Reading has always been a big part of my life. I think mostly because of the sense of escapism you get by losing yourself in a good book, Especially when your reality isn’t at its most glorious point. About 18 months ago when my desire for escapism was probably at its highest, i decided that changes needed to be made. I have an amazing life. I really do. So why did I want to keep trying to run away from it? I know reading a book isn’t that much of a dramatic outlet, but I was taking myself away from my family, physically and emotionally when they needed me to be there. And the times that they didn’t really need me to be there as much, I found myself clutching to other self-destructive behaviours. So essentially, I really wasn’t present in their lives at all at that time. It was probably the hardest six months of our six year relationship but I’m exceptionally lucky to be married to a guy that really meant it when he said in sickness and in health. Mental illness really doesn’t care about your relationships let me tell you.
Anyways. This time last year I decided to lay aside the fictional reading and start reading some self-help books. I started out with ‘you are a badass’ by jen sincero, which is a really good read actually, and it was probably then that I decided that it was really time to get my life together. I started implementing some small changes. Then in April last year I discovered I was pregnant with Reubs. I was SO excited to be having our fourth little human. I had all these expectations of having a healthy pregnancy, physically and mentally. During my second trimester all those dreams came crashing down. Hard.
He was the hardest of all my pregnancies. June-December 2018 was awful. I couldn’t stand up for long, I couldn’t lay down, I didn’t sleep, my hormones were CRAZY and it was really all just a mess. But hey, he was born and we got over it. So January 2019, I feel, is where I pick up from where I left off last year. I said In a previous post (Healing is not linear) that my focus this year was on my mental health. And this is where the reading comes back into play. I’m not sure how much Elliott appreciated it, but I ordered loads of books off amazon to get me started. I’m on book number three now but I really took my time to take in all the info in book number two as it was amazing. (Just eat it-Laura’s Thomas) I think everyone should read it. Even if you don’t struggle with food yourself I’m sure you know somebody who does.
So I decided I’m going to be reviewing all the books I read this year and sharing them here. At some point anyway.