mental health

Does this person spark joy?

Have you seen the Marie Kondo series on Netflix? Well I haven’t lol. I was meant to watch it prior to writing this but I got too involved in prison break and can’t currently watch anything but that. Nevertheless, I sort of get the gist of it. I have a friend who was vibing on her back when she was a mere literature sensation and so thanks to her excited ramblings alone, I know that she’s basically all about de-cluttering your life from the things that don’t bring you the good vibes.

‘Does this item spark joy?’ That’s how it goes right?

You take a category of item (clothes, books, photos etc) within your home, get into some kind of konmari zen, and then hold each item and ask yourself if it brings you joy. If it does then awesome, you can put it away in some kind of magical, organised fashion later, if it does not then off it goes out of your life REGARDLESS of any sentimental hold you think it has on you. Now I don’t need any more encouragement to throw things away. It’s a good job my kids don’t stay still for more than five minutes because if they started collecting dust I’d wouldn’t hesitate about putting them on gumtree.

So I didn’t dive into the konmari way of decluttering my house, but I did begin using the method to rid my life of toxicity. I decided that it was time to get rid of anything in my life that did not spark joy. And category numero uno; people. Whaaat?! You can’t just cut people out of your life it’s judgmental and unforgiving right? Wrong! It is absolutely okay to cut people out of your life if they are not good for you, in fact if your objective is to grow then I’d go as far as to say it is essential To cut toxic people out of your life. Is it easy? Not always. Is it worth it? Every damn day.

The first part is the easiest, not only because you do not have to actually go and hold every one you know and ask yourself if they bring you joy but because all you need to do is identify the toxic individuals you associate with. How? Ima tell ya…

1. Drama Llamas

You know that person who consistently makes mountains out of molehills. The one that genuinely thrives in a crisis and no matter what solution you give them it will never be successful even if it is rarely applied. They don’t want solutions, they want attention.

2. Emotional Drains

This is the person or people even, who literally just suck the positivity out of you. Full of negativity and pessimism, never seeing the silver lining and turning everybody else’s skies grey too.

3. The teller of tall tales

Fibbers, liars and exaggerators. Regardless of what kind of lies they tell or even the size of them. It’s impossible to have a successful relationship with this person as you cannot trust a liar and dishonesty is quite frankly just exhausting.

4. Narcissistic Nigels

The person you cannot have a conversation with, mainly because you cannot get a word in edge ways as they are constantly interrupting you to tell you about themselves. They have no interest in what you saying and really suck at even pretending that they do. The ‘You have an elephant, they’ve got a box to put it in’ type of people.

5. Jealous gossipers

This is a person that usually just full of self hatred. That self hatred then gets released into the world in the form of jealous gossip. Firstly you can’t trust someone who jealousy gossips to you since who knows what they are then saying to others about you? Secondly we can’t grow if we surround ourselves with people who are trying to tear others down. It just doesn’t work.

6. The bulldozer

Literally the person that destroys anything that gets in their way. This person is arrogant, considers their opinions to be facts and often think themselves the smartest in the room. It’s hard to form a genuine relationship with bulldozers as they see themselves as superior, rather than equal you.

If you had a certain someone in mind while reading any of those, then you’ve likely identified a toxic person. Congratulations! Now get rid of them. Haha okay so not just like that. Or maybe just like that? Who knows? I don’t have all the answers here people. All I know is that since I have started removing these types of people from my life, I’ve become a lot happier. I’ve done things I’ve always been to scared to do. I’ve said things that I’ve always bit my tongue over. I’ve grown.

It can be hard to make the decision to cut people out on its own, without even actually doing it. Simply because you’ll most likely feel guilty about it. But ultimately what are you feeling guilty about? Allowing yourself room to breathe and develop? My advice would be to start with someone your not that close to anyway. Maybe your aggy neighbour? You only see them in the garden so it’s not that much effort to stop conversing with them. Work your way up to that close relative who’s always belittling you or that best friend of ten years who’s always bitching about everybody else.

If you:

  • Dread having to see this person
  • Feel you have to constantly impress them
  • Have to dance around on egg shells around them
  • You feel drained after spending time with them
  • They make you feel sad depressed or angry
  • Cause you to stoop to their level
  • They try get you to do things you don’t want to

Then just know you don’t need these people. They can go and you can grow. REGARDLESS of the sentimental value they hold.

It’s worth thinking about those toxic personality types I mentioned above and identifying any of those traits that may reside in yourself. As much as it’s draining to be around toxic people it’s equally, If not even more draining partaking in toxic behaviours yourself. Work on freeing yourself from the negative things that you do so that you can see more clearly who serves you. (And not in a slave-type, make all of my meals kind of way, but the ‘you make me a better person’ kind of way.) will only be beneficial to you in every way.

1 thought on “Does this person spark joy?”

  1. I love this and your personality shines through when you write. You’re so funny!! I’ve not necessarily cut anyone off, but I’ve definitely gone into the avoidance phase. Great post!


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